my heart hurts

it's true. I want to know details... how? what was the cause? why? i want the whole story i don't want pieces... pieces is what my heart and life are now. it hurts. i want to yell it out... i want my pain to show so they all know but i don't. what would the point of that be. i don't want to burden others with my pain. it hurts... i feel like it... death is creeping up closer and closer to me. who's next? i keep thinking that anytime they'll call and it'll be the wrong person, or vehicle... but it's not happening. i saw the article today online. it just doesn't match up... i want to know. why doesn't the world stop. it should. STOP damn it!... i can't even imagine how much worse it must be for my cousins... to lose a mother. unfathomable.