turmoil, self-destruction...?

i don't know what i was thinking... all nighters suck. especially when you see everyone around you sleeping, including cheese! can you believe it! anyway, all nighters are no bueno, they're a sad reminder that i'm not as young as i think i am. what was i thinking? it's no good for me. why did i accept. it's trouble. where is this going... is it better to say it's not convenient for me, it's just gonna cause problems for the future, is this something i need to say now before anything else happens? i'm intrigued by it but just as well i'm afraid of it. i'm not interested... am i? is it a selfish interest? hmmm i'm sure if i wait it out it'll disappoint me eventually right? is that setting it up for a sure failure from now? boo... this is no bueno... no se...